


In Love With Love

by HeadphoneActor



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Introspection, One-Sided Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-22 16:43:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22566496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadphoneActor/pseuds/HeadphoneActor
Summary: He was in love with the idea of love.
Kudos: 8





	In Love With Love

When Hinata confessed Naruto had felt an unfathomable presence lifted off his chest, his heart had skipped, electric sizzled his brain and stars blossomed out of his eyes. He felt such a joyous, brilliant feeling throughout his body that sent shivers from his head to his toes. At the time, he had assumed it was love. That wonderful, warm feeling, it must have been love. She loved him, he loved her back. He loved her because she loved him. It wasn't till later, when he regretted it that he realised how naive he had been. Love didn't happen because the feelings of someone else, love couldn't be forced by anything anyone else did. It was something that grew inside you, something no one else could touch or get near, it would grow as it pleased and you could beg it to grow or beg it to stop but it won't listen. He couldn't force love to grow because he wanted it to, if anything it hinders. Screaming at love, demanding it grow for anyone but itself caused it shrivel, turn into dust. He couldn't love Hinata but he wanted to, he wanted to so badly. He wanted to feel the bursts and bubbles in his heart when she giggled, kissed his cheek, gave her heart so willingly, trusted him. He took it, he pretended it was the most precious gift he could ever be given, because she loved him so much and he wanted it so bad. He loved her love. For a time he convinced himself loving her love was just as good, practically the same as loving her, then she proposed. He hadn't expected that. He thought she would be traditional, wait for him to do it, but she didn't, she was so pumped on her organic love for him, she decided to say "screw social norms" and get on her knee with a ring and a promise to make him the happiest man on this side of the planet. He said yes, bile in his throat, pushing down the feelings of guilt as best as he could. She loved him, his quirks, his habits, his personality in full and she loved him with her entire being. He loved that. He loved when she told him she loved him. It was selfish, disgusting, using her feelings as a shiny coat of confidence to show to the world. He didn't love this woman but he pretended to, he had stolen her chance of finding a person who truly loved her, selfishly, greedily stole her and her love away from more deserving men and woman. He felt like a fraud on his wedding day, her sincerity as she gave her vows, "there was never anyone else in my eyes but Naruto", his friends speeches, "I always knew they'd end up together", his own lies, "I love you". It was spiraling and the beginning of regret ebbed in. He couldn't do this forever. Being Hokage saved Naruto if he was honest. The job was timekeeping, he barely saw Hinata and he was relieved. The love he had loved once upon a time now suffocated him, his guilt stabbing him every time she muttered a word of affection. It killed him. He stayed as far away as possible, the regret was building, he couldn't ask for a divorce. What could he say "I never loved you I just liked how you loved me", he refused to be that monster. But what could he do. When Boruto was born he loved the demon child Immediately, even if he was the biggest pain in the arse Naruto had ever had the misfortune of looking after. He began to think maybe he could love Hinata, genuinely, she had brought this baby into the world and he absolutely adored Boruto, shouldn't that love bleed over into Hinata? He convinced himself so well they had a second child but Naruto was a terrible liar. He got burnt out after seeing Hinatas gesture of true and genuine love, it made his skin crawl and made him cringe. He couldn't do this. He was tired, so tired. He wasn't in love with love anymore, being in love with love was tiring, regretful and led to disaster, he wanted to stop, stop Hinata and her obtrusive feelings, stop the marriage, stop everything. He hated love, it hurt him, every time Hinata said it his heart broke and he hated it. He wanted to love Hinata at one point but now he couldn't look at her, everything around her twirling and twisting into everything he hated, love was a concept and trying to apply emotions to a concept never work out. He realised that, alone, hateful and guilty In his office, he wished he could go back in time and politely turn Hinata down. The mistake of a stupid, lonely boy who didn't understand the weight of emotions and the impact they have managed to point his life in a direction in a way he lacked control and had to lie every day to keep up a facade of happiness. Naruto hated love, hated everything Hinata represents and hated himself most of all.


End file.
